My first solo moving day. It seems so much sadder now. Maybe some part of me doesn't want to move in case Alex decides to come back. Maybe I worry that if I do go from here, I'm officially doing these adventures without him. Does going on this trip make me selfish? Is it ok if it does? Sometimes we make decisions for other people under the guise it's for ourselves. We may choose a college close to home because it's comfortable but maybe some part of us does so because it's more comfortable for our parents too. Is it selfish for someone to choose a college that is further away even if it makes their parents sad? Sometimes doing something for ourselves could be deemed selfish, but couldn't anything? Selfish sometimes is healthy. It means putting ourselves and our needs first. Sometimes, others don't like it when we do that because that means they no longer get to be first. I'm a firm believer that knowing yourself and occasionally doing only for yourself will mean you have more energy and desire to do for others. Even Mother Teresa went to sleep, took a break or said "no".
Despite the fact that this journey was supposed to be an experience for Alex, myself and Piper - I think this trip will help us all. Doing this adventure helps me by pushing me and encouraging me to grow. This self development will lead to a more satisfying life and ultimately to me being a better partner and person. Doing this solo also allows Alex to be pushed in ways that are more comfortable for him. Together we can be challenged (in different ways) and come to the relationship stronger and more satisfied than either of us completely sacrificing our desires for the other. Though I would have much preferred to do this with my partner, I am excited that we have decided to do this trip separately together.
These are my internal thoughts as I drove from Dickinson to Broadus, MT. After getting groceries and stretching my legs in Miles City, I left the big town and headed south on a highway for an hour and passed no other town. Broadus, MT - middle of nowhere, home to nothing. This is perfect!
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