When a woman I met today found out about my trip, she asked me if I was scared traveling by myself. Except she asked it in a way that seemed to imply she would be scared so I should be too. Yes, something bad could happen. Something bad could happen if Alex was here with me or even if I was back home. Something bad can always happen. But if we are being honest, isn't there only a small chance something bad happens? Are we going to give fear control over us? Are we going to magnify the small chance so it prevents us from living? I'm not saying "disregard fears" and live in reckless abandon. I am saying learn to harness the fear and use it for it's intended purpose: to help. It's a yield sign, not a stop sign.
So to answer that woman's question (or rather expression of her own fear) - Yes. I have fears, I am aware of risks. I also work to make sure I keep fears in check. I don't want the small chance of something going wrong prevent me from the more likely chance of something going "right".
When I checked into the hotel yesterday (also - who am I kidding? It's the quintessential definition of a motel complete with a reddish orange plush velvet blanket as a comforter and an all-in-one kitchenette from the 70s), the manager found out I was here to explore the area. He told me about a drive I could go on to see untouched Montana up close. So tonight I went. I decided to time it around sunset so I could get some good pictures. I completely misjudged the time it would take to do the full loop drive so I ended up turning around not quite half way. I did not factor in the difference between doing the 80 mile loop on asphalt versus a gravel road. Turns out you can't go 80 miles in an hour and a half when it's a gravel road, even if there was no posted speed limit. Even my intentional pace still caused the occasional fishtail and was leaving the road windblown with most of the kicked-up dirt seemingly landing on my car.
On this dirt road, over the hour and a half I drove it, I passed 1 car (truck to be exact; I strongly suggest you do not take a car on this road, at least not one without 4WD), I passed maybe 10 farmhouses (20 I guess if you count roundtrip). The drive was beautiful: farms, cattle, buttes, mountains (at what point does a butte become a mountain?), I even saw mule deer. There were also cattle that had markings like Piper right there next to my car. My car only picked up two radio stations. One of which, of course, was country. The other I came to realize was perfect for long drives out in the country: 104.5 out of NW Wyoming. The perfect blend of classic rock, 80s pop and even the occasional more recent (90s, 00s). The night was beautiful, the music was rocking, I got some great pictures and I got to see some cool animals. What more could you ask for?
I could have stayed at the motel tonight, safely tucked in my room away from the unknowns, wild animals and dirtying my car - but then fear would have won and I would have missed out on this incredible drive.
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